We’ve all heard the antiquated “what separates the men from the boys” line. But without a doubt, one thing that separates an irresponsible, immature child from a respectable, self-aware adult is the ability to hold one’s self accountable.

I walked out of a job once. Smack dab in the middle of the shift. It was, and still is, a popular dive bar known for its signature wings, stiff drinks and friendly atmosphere. Personally, I was in a horrible place in my life. I was looking for an excuse to destroy everything around me, and I figured my source of income would be a good place to start.

I enjoyed the job mostly because I could get high out back throughout the ten hour shift, and for every case of beer I’d bring to the bartender, I was paid with a chilled shot of Jagermeister. Plus it fit into my logistics of life; culinary school 8am – 2:30pm, work 4pm – 2am. Mathematically you can see if I were to immediately fall asleep after my shift and sleep exactly to the point of my classes starting, I could get a respectable six hours of sleep. Throw in an hour of two of post shift drinking and drugging, an hour commute to the community college, and well…sometimes three hours was generous.

The bloom finally left the rose, and as much fun as the staff and patrons were, the conditions had wore me thin. At this point in the story, I used to blame the conditions of the job on my decision to leave, but I was looking for any reason and I would’ve made anything fit my narrative of self destruction. The “conditions” I speak of are the ones I was struggling with between my ears. I simply walked out the back door and never returned.

I regret the immaturity and unprofessionalism of that act, if for anything, the wings really were one of a kind. Since then I have made peace with the owners and the coworkers I abandoned. It’s an important thing in life; hold yourself accountable.

Own your mistakes and bad decisions.

If you drop something, you dropped it. It didn’t fall. If you’re late, time didn’t escape you, you mismanaged your time. If you choose to undeservingly vent your frustrations on the wrong person (you know…”take it out on them”), it isn’t because you were having a bad day or stressed out or in a bad mood. It’s because you allowed your feelings a cheap escape and unloaded in the wrong direction.

It’s ok. We all do it. It’s part of our predisposed human DNA. Just realize it. Acknowledge it. And make it right.

You can’t dictate another person’s feelings. You can’t tell someone to simply get over it. Those are their feelings, not yours. All you have power and responsibility over is what is yours. Your feelings. Your emotions, And your screw-ups.

It is true that a screw-up might be multi-level. It might be a chain of events that involves the actions and inclusion of others. You can only be held accountable and fix what your part is. Long story short, there is no “I’m sorry, but…” There is only “I’m sorry.”

One of the most poignant philosophies I’ve heard about being accountable for what is yours, is how circumstance does not dictate responsibility. We all have things we are in charge of, part of, and/or responsible for. Those responsibilities … be it those as a teammate, parent, student, worker … do not and cannot wane, ebb and flow based on circumstance.

If you are supposed to be at work at 4pm, then you are supposed to be at work at 4pm. Regardless of traffic, car issues, oversleeping, illness; you are still supposed to be there at 4pm. Being accountable includes communicating with those involved when responsibilities look to be compromised. Repeat … look to be compromised. You call before you are late. You make arrangements before it hits the fan. You give yourself ample time to complete the task and a sufficient pillow of “oops time”…let’s be honest. Things happen. Be ready for them.

Things happening, (or as the eloquence of one of Tom Hanks’ most loved characters put it, sh*t happens) is part of the world. And we are part of the world. You don’t get stuck in traffic. You are in fact part of traffic. We are not individual separate entities with the world formed around us. We are part of a massive, communal, sometimes global force all existing together. The butterfly effect is real, ripples and waves are felt and extend endlessly. We cannot blame the world around us for giving us a hard time. Instead we must hold ourselves accountable for our actions and reactions in trying to maintain harmony and keep things flowing in a positive direction. We uphold our agreed duties and we do not impede others on the pursuit of their own happiness. And if we fall short … we fix it.

When possible, offer a sincere apology. The person, or even establishment, you offer your apology to might not accept it. But that is not your decision.

My experience is when sweeping up your mess you are removed an evil, poisonous burden. By all means, go live life.
Challenge boarders, push people, claw your way in the direction you fell you need to go.
But if you screw up, pause and fix it.
We’re all just trying to make it, man.