Was havin’ one of those days, man.
Was at work and I just couldn’t get caught up. With each task deemed almost complete, another issue would arise from a what-was -believed-to-be extinguished fire, another endless voice would ask for something and the timeless pursuit of cramming ten pounds of substance into a five pound bag kept getting more and more out of reach.
Then throw in that mix all the little nuances. Despite the specifics of the industry, we all have “those little things”…this would rip, this would snag, this would delay, this would have to be done again.
There’s the standards; both your own personal and those of your governing bodies. Do it right the first time. Catching yourself attempting a short-cut to only angrily discipline yourself back into doing it the only way it should be done. The right way. A certain Murphy’s Law runs rampant; do it right a million times and no one bats an eye. Take a short-cut once, and all of a sudden everyone is a condescending, know-it-all elitist. Don’t give them the chance. It’s either done right or it’s not done.
No one appreciates me. They have no idea how much I do. They’ll see when someone else tries to do this day in and day out.
Getting deep DEEP in my feelings. And I ask myself…who hypes the hype man? Several of my friends reach out to me when they are in the dumps. When they are having one of those days. Having those self-destructive, self-sabotaging, non-productive thoughts. Getting caught up in woe is me. why me, poor me. People are amazed when I spew enlightened realities at them. Calming self-actualizations. Motivational speeches. And not just words, but leading with actions. Talking the talk, walking the walk. I make people believe. In themselves. In me. In endless possibilities. In conquering all; obstacles, fears, burdens.
I wrote a book for crying out loud. I’ve spoken to groups and individuals about being the absolute best you can be. Fearless. Intent.
And now here I am. Afraid. Pissed. Drowning in self-pity.
Who hypes the hype man?
It’s amazing how fast the human brain works. How one thought can be grabbed by the collar, held against the wall and told with most certainty “YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE.”
Who hypes the hype man? Who do I run and vent-cry to about my troubles?
My Higher Power.
As HP throws the uninvited, rogue thoughts out of the brain, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
I am having a bad day. Most of it is my own elevated anxiety fueled imagination. Individual hiccups might be happening, but they are all independent of each other. Inanimate objects and bumps in the road of procedures aren’t conspiring against me.
Shit happens.
And this is MY JOB. Something I chose to do. So many people unemployed. So many people stuck in hellacious jobs and I am fortunate enough to have found a job not only that I enjoy, but also allows me the time and energy to have a flourishing personal and family life.
Who should I call and complain about my glove ripping when I put it on? My friend that just got diagnosed with cancer?
Who should I whine to about the plastic wrap snagging and ripping? Maybe my cousin, whose sister (yes, also my cousin) was found dead in a ditch?
I laugh at myself again, realizing that this, although not technically a Monday, seems to be a bad case of “The Mondays”…that all these little, pesty annoyances won’t ever happen again in this sequence, all on the same day. I smile because I realize I’m getting the worse day of the week, perhaps the month, out of the way. It’s a pleasure to have a bad day. It’s a blessing. Because there will be far, far more good days.
The whole “why me” phenomenon is something I speak emphatically about. There is no WHY ME. With a lot of what I share about, I lay this as a preamble…I don’t care what you believe in. A God, what you call that God, Mother Nature, Karma, Galactic Balance…we are given exactly everything we are geared to handle. To say “why me” is wishing your burden onto someone else, WHO MIGHT NOT BE GIVEN THE STRENGTH YOU HAVE BEEN ENDOWED WITH FOR FACING SAID TURMOIL. You are also wishing to rob yourself of the moments that are going to define you, make you into the person you are supposed to be, and put you into the position and give the knowledge to fulfill your purpose.
So who hypes the hype man? I do. With the help of the God I believe in. But not because I’m anything special. Through years of discipline, painfully stepping out of situations and looking at them void of emotion, keeping things in perspective…retraining the brain to not throw these needless pity parties, I’ve found it possible to get through these moments. It ain’t always pretty. It ain’t always easy. And yes, sometimes I do need another human to tell me “everything is going to be all right.”
Everything is going to be all right.
Trust me.
Trust yourself.
And trust the being/entity guiding your life. It/He/She is giving you all you can handle. That includes Mondays, snags, rips, wrecks, feels, betrayals, pains, agonies and turmoils.
But there will be far, far more good days.
There is no “why me.”
There is Me. Plain and simple.
Bring it all to me. I welcome it.